Overheard in a Freshmen Dorm

Ah, the joys of being on your own. Bad flirting, sleepless nights, drinking too much, and setting off the fire alarm way too often.

1. You seem really fun. Come up to my room at 9 pm and we can have a good time.

2. Uhhhh this kid almost cut his finger off…. should I call Public Safety? Or the hospital?

3. *Blanket thrown over puke in the stairwell* “I don’t have corona. But I was drinking.”

4. Did you just throw dairy in my personal trash bin?

5. *Barking*

6. I just tried to microwave a cookie and it started smoking please help

7. Do I have a curfew??

8. Yo I’m soooo high right now…

9. My roommate pissed in the common room.

10. I fucked my girl while my deaf roommate was sleeping

11. I'm so plastered I literally cannot see

12. I JUST WANNA FUCK MY BOYFRIEND *frustrated scream*

13. There's a meowing problem on our floor and it's been going on for over a week now

14. Person 1: Marco? Entire hallway: POLO

15. Gibbayyyyyyy

16. This girl just sits on the toilet for hours. We call her the silent pooper.

17. Random sporadic moaning

18. Oh my god how am I getting sexiled AGAIN

19. Does anyone know where my apple pie is?

20. FUCK quiet hours

21. Does anyone have a pregnancy test?

22. Hey, you’re the RA that wrote me up. If I would have given you my Fireball would you have let me go?

23. Please give me your snap please please please

24. Dude, going from door to door: "Do you guys wanna see me in a thong?"

25. Week 2 of Classes: “Dude I just got suspended."

26. I never had to do laundry, usually that’s my mom’s job.

27. Walks by with a mug at 1:30 am: “What’s in the mug?” “........Coffee.” “Cool.”

28. Ummm this guy just peed in the shower in the girls bathroom...I don't know who to tell.

29. Oh I cried every day this week but it's fine.

30. Last night my friend smoked out of an apple because she couldn't find anything else.

31. I had breakfast for dinner. But at 7 am when they put breakfast in the dining hall because I never went to sleep.

32. Is 6 melatonins too many?

33. Can I interest you in an adult beverage?

34. Hi, we found 52 bottles in the ceiling tiles, I promise they were there when we got here.