BOY, BYE!

All the instant deal breakers that have kept me from finding love.

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As a 5’10 woman, dating can be rough.

I always have to be ‘that girl’ who makes a big deal about height. That’s usually my main concern right off the back, but I would say that I always have my shortlist of qualifications (if you will) at hand.

1. He has to at least be my height (bonus points if he’s over 6’1) (no offense to you short kings <3)

2. He CANNOT be named Ryan (my brother’s name… gross)

3. He has to have his license (I’m not your mother or your Uber driver)

4. Basic manners and respect please (If he hits me up with some bullshit, hard pass)

5. STAY AWAY SAGITTARIUS + GEMINI MEN (I swear they follow me everywhere)

Listen, I think my list is completely valid but more often than not, it throws guys off my roster faster than they got on.

I’m really not one for meeting men on dating apps, but there is one good thing about an app like Bumble:

I get to rule them out before even having to talk with them.

When I see an immediate deal-breaker on their profile, swipe left.

It’s the best timesaver out there.

Honestly, If you ever need to be quickly turned off by men, go swipe around on Bumble.

(This next part took commitment and almost all the willpower I had left in me.)

For your viewing pleasure, I gathered some interesting Bumble profiles from a typical swipe sesh to highlight the factors that led me to immediately swipe left.

Red flags, cringy bios, weird pics; I got it all.

PSA - this is all based on MY personal preferences. All roasting is only for shits and giggles.

WARNING: The following content you are about to see may trigger major secondhand embarrassment, extreme waves of cringe, and strong faces of distaste. Proceed at your own risk...

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1. Ladies man

WHAT IS THIS? How are you gonna be on a dating app and then fill your profile up with pics of you and other girls? …to find another girl? Not a chance.

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2. Fish pics?

Just no. You already know how I feel about these types of guys based on one of my past stories, so I didn’t even get past this first pic before swiping.

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3. "Full time banker, part time spanker"

HAHA. No.

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4. Man or monkey?

Bananas are great and all but definitely didn’t need to see you eating one dude. Ew.

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5. A true patriot

American flag swimsuits = RED FLAG. I’ll pass!

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6. A sandwich… in the shower?

This is a scene straight out of a horror movie. Soggy bread, warm meat - That's VILE! What did you expect to happen? Also, I don't even wanna do my own homework, let alone yours. This isn’t a tutoring app buddy.

Redeeming mentions:

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1. The smooth comedian

These are the vibes I live for. Yes king, read up on us women because we really are a different breed.

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2. We LOVE Kai

Standing in front of a girl power tapestry, in a blazer, with BLM and human rights on his profile… what more could a girl want?

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Swiping right on 2 guys out of 8 is realistic when online dating, but not all that bad.

I’d rather spend time talking with a select few men who meet my standards rather than every single guy that comes up on my feed

Ladies and gents, don’t be afraid to turn people down when you’re trying to find someone worth getting to know.

If you're not feeling it, then don’t push it.

Move on and find someone else who can give you what you’re looking for because trust me, there is always someone else waiting in line for you.